THE MARRIAGE FORMULA

Marriage these days is a hot topic if you want it and can't have it, or the fact that Hollywood relationships last as long as it takes for me to buy new underwear. This past weekend I was a part of my grandparents 60th Wedding Anniversary. 60 YEARS PEOPLE! It was super cool because it was basically a family reunion to celebrate two very special people in my life. My grandpa and grandma are two magnificent people. They have pastored churches up and down the West Coast and are retired super cool peeps now. Although, my grandpa still throws it down from God's Word at the place they live on a weekly basis to other active adults. 60 years with the same person, and some laugh that this notion is impossible. The fact is this is a model marriage because they built it on trust, love, faith, and God. Problem nowadays is a lot of people build theirs on lust, wants, no faith, and fraud. So let me break it down to you why my grandparents marriage rocks: they pray together, they still date, they put each other first, they still say I love you to each other, my grandpa knows how to treat a woman, and my grandma can bake for a guy who likes to eat. They also made this work because they had faith knowing that God would do some awesome things. My grandfather told me once that they lived on the floor of a church and lived on $5 bucks a week. They left some incredible examples for us as kids, grandkids, and now great grandkids. It was a thrill to see them smiling, holding hands, and loving that the people most dear to them-family and friends- were there to celebrate. As a matter of fact, some of the wedding party showed up to celebrate too. Totally cool weekend and a great example of how marriage should be done. When you see two old people (grandparents old) that are in love, you should stop them say thank you for being an example of marriage. I guarantee you, if you encounter a cute couple like my grandparents, wherever you live, hook them up with a dinner and listen, it is well worth the investment for you! The marriage formula-it does exist, you just have to encounter it.

Harsh Words SUCK

I learned early on in my life that people respond to you much better when you use words that are not harsh or rude. Now I wasn't a brawler, a fighter, and had no need to show any insecurity by being brash. There is a place for harsh words, there is also a tone. Harsh words spoken in the wrong tone, are normally ignored, or thoughts of how sad the life of the person being harsh must be. In the past, my harsh words came normally out of anger and the fact that I wanted respect. I had a friend say to me one time, that I probably would be respected more if I thought before I spoke. If I didn't rattle off statements I would have to backtrack or regret later. Many times, I have rattled off, or wanted to go off, on someone who needed to shut their pie hole....OK let me re-phrase that...I have had to confront some people who did not have the ability to speak their opinion in a matter that others wanted to listen too. Frankly because they were too harsh, brash, or rude. RUDE people often have issues anyway, which is a different blog, different day. Most times when "brash and harsh talkers, open their mouth", I have learned to shut people them out-as in their mouth is moving and I don't understand or hear a word they are saying, nor do I have a desire too. I don't even really like people like this. If I do have relationship with a person like this, I will pull them aside and say something. If not, I pray someone who does have relationship will let them know that speaking in love gets you farther in life, than being a blow hard with rudeness and harshness attached to your mouth. As I have matured and became a father I have learned to adjust my tones and be firm, frank, and loving. My kids actually respond better and funny thing....my friends do to. When I have let bitterness, frustration, anger, or any other trigger get the best of me, I find myself thinking about what that friend said to me, "people will respond to you when you speak firmly, and in love, rather than harshly and out of insecurity, anger, or bitterness." I'm not perfect, but I try to make this a life lesson stick, because how I respond says a lot about who I am, and what I stand for. Those who haven't caught this, probably don't have many friends, or soon won't. If you are HARSH(most don;t know, and the ones who do don;t care-just saying)...pull it together because people who speak up or out like this will not be heard. Plus people who are within ear shot of you blowing up, just lost respect for you. I am tempted to put a string of personalities that fit the bill here...but the fact is you can probably name them yourself. Remember HARSH words SUCK when spoken in the wrong tone.

Your Response...Means Something

Have you ever asked a question to someone in conversation, only to get no response, a glazed stare, or a look over your shoulder by the person who obviously is in another world? YES, we all have. I have also been the one who has been slow to respond-guilty on this end! Response is something that people look for. Whether it is an answer to a question, a movement toward a solution, or your ability to speak up and show you care...it means something. Too many times in our life, I think those in leadership positions, forget that people are waiting for a response. Hello-turn on your news this week. People want action, not inaction; they want a phone message returned today, not tomorrow; they want a conversation, not silence; they want direction, not a map; they want eye contact, not a drive-by look-away; they want leadership to respond. A non-response is rude, and only leads to less respect from the person looking for the response. When you look at the interaction that Jesus had in His conversation, there was response immediately. He understood that response was vital for people. His direct conversations were poignant, and He delivered(no pun intended-but, on 2nd thought-yeah it was iintended.) As you go through your day, think about all the people who expect response from you: spouse, parent, kid, teacher, employer, employee, co-worker, friend, neighbor, and the list goes on and on. Now think of who you expect to respond. The worst thing you could do is remain silent and not respond at all. Especially when crisis is involved. It shows a lack of caring, a lack of concern to the specific need, and it means you are giving a signal that the person waiting a response is not important. In fact they may not be, but a telemarketer is different than someone wanting a response who you may care about. So, do those in your life a favor and make yourself look like you really care! Leaders show they care by response. So, the question is, Do you care enough?

A LITTLE R, R, & R

This past week, I had the privilege to take a break from the crazy life I live. My wife and I were able to escape (minus the kids) for vacation. Although we have a family vacation-this is truly revolutionary, if you can pull it off. We were able too(thanks mom). Rest. Recreation. Relaxation. For me this includes the following: Sun. Chill Time. Good Eats. Random Routine. These are things I like on my vacation. Kickin' it in shorts, flip-flops and get some beach action is my retreat. It has always been important to me to take the time to get away from the normal pace of life and take a break. In life there are times that are necessary to reload, refuel, relax, and for my health(and yours) it is important to take these times. I have found that during these times, it is great to put yourself in a place where normal routine is wrecked. As a matter of fact, God built us with this need. He put it up there with "Don't Murder, Covet, etc..." It reads every 7th day take a rest. In these times there is opportunity for times of solitude, silence, not the normal routine, and conversations with people you may never see again. For me, I found R,R,&R this year over sunsets, beaches, and even a hammock(overlooking the Pacific Ocean). Rest & Relaxation should be a part of life. I know everyone has different ways this may take shape. I have friends that camp, I have friends that "timeshare", I have friends that work in their yard, or some who just take a few days to get out of the normal routine as they see it. Whatever it is for you, make sure that you take the time to refuel. If you don't eventually you get burnt out, tired, grow weary, restless, and potentially even become dissatisfied with what God has positioned you for.